WhenDeadAngelsRise

It is 2019...wow.

Okay, so A LOT has happened since I last submitted anything on here. It has, in fact, been years. Where do I start?

Well, I've got a boyfriend that I now live with. We've been together for five years and are already half way through the sixth. There have been ups and downs and all that crazy stuff that happens with couples. I'm not going into details about it because I'll just bore you. Probably.

I've been through three jobs. The last one was in a warehouse that ruined my wrists and even writing this is quite painful because my hands/wrists/fingers fall asleep, but is soon coupled with excruciating pain that makes me feel like someone is stabbing my hands with white hot needles. I've been to a doctor about it that gave me these hand braces to sleep with and a bunch of medication that triggered anxiety/panic attacks.

Yes, I do suffer from multiple mental disorders as well, but after about two years of doctors and medications that did not help I am working very hard to fight the issues on my own. Thankfully, I have a good mother with an understanding heart and a boyfriend that is willing to help me face it. I am not alone in this.

Recently, I lost my grandmother and grandfather both in one weekend and it is still affecting me. My brain is constantly in an argument with itself about how I should feel, so things have been setting me off very easily.

I apologize that I do not submit anything on here. It is difficult to give this account any time when I can barely attend to the issues around me.

I pray you are all doing well.

So, I don't post on here much. Or,  at all, really. I apologize for that, but I've been dealing with a lot and getting on here is a big hassle for me. I still work on my art, though, I promise. I just don't post it much.

I got a new job, so that's kept me busy. I'm also in a very deep relationship with a man I hope to marry someday. I'm not going to go into the details of it, though.

I'm still in college, taking it slow and steady, like a turtle. (Lol)

I'm also dealing with a lot of stress in my life. People are questioning my faith to God, even my mother, and I'm still dealing with the mourning stages of losing my Grandfather back in January. I've been keeping it all to myself and dealing with the emotional impact on my own because I refuse to burden anyone with what's wrong with me.

I'm just disappointed in those that question my faith. I still believe in God, believe His son, Jesus, died on the cross for me. The fact that I don't go to church has not changed those facts. I still read the Bible and pray everyday. I'm just exhausted and prefer to be left alone a lot to my own privacy. I don't want to talk much about anything because every time I close my eyes I see my grandfather just before he died. I love being around the people I care for, but lately I've felt like no one cares about me. The only people truly backing me up as of late are God, my boyfriend/lover, and my best friend.

Sorry for all the ranting in this. I just needed to relieve some stress and writing on paper just takes so long...

I promise that one day, when I've got the time and energy, I will post my art on here. It won't be soon, but it will be one day.

Bye for now, lovelies.

Things have been pretty busy and crazy for me. (As well as stressful.)

I'm still in college, but I also have a job now. I'm a waitress at a restaurant that steals my money right from under my nose, yet I'm the one bringing in the most tips for those sons of...be nice, Kayte, be nice...

Anyway, how is everyone else?

I stressed the s on purpose in that title.

Life is a worrisome thing at times. I remember days where I wouldn't be this worried about my Mother and her health. I remember the days where she would smile and speak in complete sentences without having to stop in the middle to just think of a word. I remember the days when I wasn't the parent...

I'm only 22 and I take care of my mother as if she is a child now. It's scary and wrong and she may subconsciously want to die. I blame myself for never noticing the signs earlier, the lack of memory, the horrendous moments where her memory simply failed her at important moments. It's frightening.

To put things in a simple nutshell my mother is not well. I will probably not be online for a while. I have both Mom and college to worry about. I'm afraid to leave her alone long enough to go to school, but I have to. I can't risk failing my classes so far into the semester. We're already half way into the semester, after all.

I still can't even get a job. How pathetic is that?! It's pretty pathetic. I have to take care of Mom, though. I just have to.

Yes, I am in a panic. My thoughts are everywhere. I can't concentrate because of my worry over my Mom.

I'll shut up now.